candleburn

You found me shaking Your embrace was so soothing and warm, But it was not what I was looking for I was waiting for you to tell me That everything is going to be alright Even though I knew it was all a lie Lying in your laps, looking at the bridge, No matter how many times you'll try to save me, I knew I was already dead inside, You tried so much to be there beside, But you couldn’t restore what had already been done, My changing moods, the downfalls, Everything around constituted demolition, I just couldn’t picture myself living in this so called reality, It seemed too fiction, I was slipping away, Those seconds I pictured your undeniable care, Your compassion and heartwarming whispering voice, I couldn’t point at a reason why it happened, Even though I wanted so badly to run in backwards, I knew it was impossible to change the past, The only thing was to move on, and that was my only choice.

The unidentified reflection, It's dark, almost midnight, The lake lets it water roam, Clasping the corners of the land besides It seems calm and quiet, you feel safe, Protected inside the arms of the unseen heat, The time passes slowly, You're not at any hurry, looking above at the sky, Trying to find familiar shapes, You don’t find any traces of your long lived life, But the pictures of the memories that are slowly coming alive, When you shut your thoughts and let them flush you, Just like the blood in your veins, unconscious, To the living process within your body Glancing at the moving blurred object in front of you, You feel a sudden drive to cover your face, Don't want him to see you like this, With the smeared mascara on your face Losing the hold of yourself, Losing what you've thought was your truth identity, Now there's nothing left but the reflection in the deep dark water, You don’t recognize yourself anymore, However, something tells you that this moving

My entire world is spinning and crashing I cannot express what it made me to feel Standing there, for once I've noticed how breakable The whole thing named life is What made you sheer from the prominent? Stirring my piercing gaze at you I saw you smiling baring your white teeth A smile on your face Makes the whole day brighter I should have as well be a fighter But I couldn’t be you The one that looked straight ahead Your head full of desires List of streets which names you didn't know That were about to be walked by You've never feared to fly You had the will and inner power to shine It didn’t take much but a starry bright line at the horizon That made all the difference, The hidden symbols that there lying for you to find, Unfolding another chapter of your life To what seems like eternity Yet you nodded gently at what seemed The most hurtful moment you've experienced And you moved on with your head held high With your face expressionless glowing with integrity

Shading layers one after another, Pulling up what was broken inside, I was playing with fire, When I least expected I got burnt All the faces that surround me, All the expectations I can't live up to, My soul is a wanderer, I never would be the same old self, I thought that facing the obstacles Would strengthen me, instead I got weakened Looking at what is in front of me, So much joy and happiness, I steer my tears, As the realization reaches my mind, That maybe I won't ever find my place in the equation called life.

Losing myself in all that hype, I can't point out at the distance, My sight is blurred, I barely move, Everyone is moving at the speed of light I could not make myself to catch up with all that is around, Instead I found myself falling, my legs are bare, On the burning ground Lifting my head towards the horizon I look at the sky so bright and limitless I want to get the hold of myself I want to force myself to inhale another breath of air, I have to make all the fears go away My fragile figure is lying on the ground, I try to figure out the way out of the confined pain in my chest, I want to stop wandering, Find something that could balance the Warhol inside my soul, I need to get rid of the mess, There is no way back, there's only one chance, I have to try and find my real distinction, That bonds all the pieces of my life as a whole.

לעזוב את העבר ולעבור לחיות בהווה, להצביע על אופק שמשי וברור יותר, חשיבה צלולה אינה חד משמעית, החיים הם גיבוב של חוויות וזיכרונות הרחק מכאן, מעבר לים, הוא צופה ובוהה בעולם, מושיט יד מנסה לגעת בחלום המוכר אבל הוא נכשל למרות חירוף הנפש לחיות בעולם המודרני והמנוכר לחיות בעולם של חלומות אין טעם להמשיך ולרצות קיים גבול דק ועדין בין החלום להתממשותו לחיות בהווה ולהפסיק להביט לעבר העבר, קשה לעזוב את הזיכרונות ולהמשיך כאילו לא אירע דבר, להושיט יד לעבר החלום אינני יכולה, למרות חירוף הנפש הטבוע בעצמותי וגידי צועדת לעבר התהום אני רק המבט לאחור נשאר ורודף אותי שאלה קורצת במוחי, האם התהום שלפני היא אינסופית? האם יש אפשרות לעצור, להביט קדימה ולהחליט שזאת לא הבעיה בעצם מה שמכשיל אותי זאת לא הסביבה אלא עצם הידיעה שאני צריכה להתגבר על תהומות העבר לחיות חיים ללא מחר חיים של עשרים וארבעה שעות חיים חסרי ציפייה חיים מלאי תקווה

Breakthrough the conventions, Choose the uncertain trails, Don’t look back, yet there's a choice in your hands, That is only up to you to make, Don't let your fear control your judgment There is a whole lifetime that is going to waste Destiny is something that you need to believe in, Putting all your problems aside, Sweeping yourself a clear new way, So make sure you sink in, There's nothing you could possibly lose.

שובל של ערפל משתרך מאחורי, לחיות בתוך קופסא נטולת חיים, כולם רואים ומתפעלים, אני בפנים חשה ריקנית, ההתפעלות מנציחה את רגעי הזוהר האבודים רוצה לצעוק, לזרוק דברים, אין בי את הכוח להתקדם ולהמשיך הלאה, קרועה מבפנים, הם חושבים שהם מבינים, שהם יודעים איך זה אפשרי? אם כן למה אני עדיין אבודה? למה אף אחד לא מושיט לעברי יד של עזרה? מדוע אם כן אני מרגישה סחוטה? כולם רואים ומתפעלים, אבל הכול זיוף אחד גדול, את האמת אני מחפשת בתוך תוכי, אני לבד במסעי, לחיות בתוך קופסא נטולת חיים, לראות את הדברים הנאמרים מבחוץ חסרי כל משמעות, התקווה הקלושה למצוא מקום של כנות ואמת, אני במסעי לעבר החלום, אני לא רוצה למצוא את עצמי, אני כבר נשמה אבודה בים שוצף וקוצף, היעד הוא למצוא מקום מפלט, מקום שבו הנשמה שלי לא אבודה, אותו מקום שבו אני ארגיש בטוחה.

Scrambling, stretching my fists, The deep sore rising from beneath, The landscape in front of me is rough and gray, I stray on my way, catching the hot moist air, Standing on the mountain, I knew I've not found the place Tired, yearning for water, I saw you in the horizon You've pulled me up, poured water into my mouth I started choking, freeing the way for the air, I was saved, but my journey has just began What is the essence of my nature? I know that we all have a purpose, Trying to relocate the way to turn to, Locking my sight on you, Then I knew, I was sure, That my journey has just began Striding along, I know that Whenever I see this familiar face I'll know why I'm here for I won't let him down There is no such thing as wrong or right There's nothing wrong as long as It comes from deep down your heart.

Running away from myself, Telling lies, I know that what I say is the opposite, I know that what you see is far from real, Driving through the suburbs There must be a reason There must be someone to slap me in the face Crashing the thick mirror wall I'm going to lose my own fight My life is like a battle field No shield will be powerful enough to save me Strike a pose; look at your enemy's eyes I will be standing at the corner, my senses are blunted I was defeated from the very beginning My body is dancing to the music of your victory, Acting like a mechanic robot would not have brought me any joy Your glittery eyes show what happiness is supposed to be like So go on, strike a pose, You've just achieved your goal.

The recognition of the long desirable feeling, Will always surface from the depth of your soul, Holding onto the illusion, Hoping for the dream to come true, Will I find my way? Will I know that I've reached the goal? Shall there be a sign that says it’s the end? As hard as I try to hold onto the present, My past just don’t let go off of me, That same dream I keep picturing in my head, Seeing the smallest details, Memorizing the colors and scents, Will I ever reach my goal? Am I strong enough? The long path that is in front of me, The long white trees, the white floor, I can't remember why or when Yet I always found myself on the soft chilly ground, With the view of the endless sky above, The never-ending scene, Will I find my way? Will someone stove me and say this is it? I cannot stay, Something tells me there are much more to figure out, Shall I leave the white scenery behind? Will I ever overcome the obstacle? My cold stone figure stayed put in the middle, Looking at the s

I don't know what happens to me, sometimes i get so stressed out that i can not find the path out of that warm hole situation i was sucked to unconsciously.I told to myself to stay put that everything is fine, but it was not, i cant tell myself to relax, my body moves and thinks against me, i dont use my instinct because i fear that it'd lead me to another failure. What should i do? what do i have to do? i've no clue. Yet i hope i'll fight it back, i'm not eager as i was before, but i know that if a person really wants something, he can achieve it. Picturing this image in my head is strange because it's really rare when something positive could happen to me. The second thing that i'd like share is that when someone close to you is really mad at you, he should tell you what was the thing you did wrong, because if you try to analyze it you'll never get to see the real answer, this person should come to you first, he should realize that if he feels bad it m

There are words you are afraid to say out loud, There are emotions that you're afraid to sound, The same melody, The fear and pain, drained color on your face I can't do this anymore, I cannot chase, The one that had to leave me on my own Pretending strong and wise is only a disguise, The undescribed feeling you caused me Left me overwhelmed. The long cold night with full moon shining from above, I put myself in a position with no back door, I have no place to go The fear of telling what my heart whispers me to The fear of getting to know another side, the side That can turn my life upside down. Speechless, looking as you go away, I remember the short passages you wrote me, The words that made me laugh, the words that made me see, That I'm not alone anymore, For the first time you reached your hand And I was not afraid to grab it back.

הזיעה נגרה בגבי. איך מרגישים כשאתה אוהב בן אדם אחר? – איזו מן הרגשה זאת ? ידעתי את התשובה, לא הייתי צריכה לחשוב שנית, לא הייתי צריכה להיות שקולה ועניינית לראשונה בחיי הקצרים. ידעתי כי לאהוב מישהו אחר זה דבר שגדול ממני, זה רצון עז להגן על אותו אדם, להוקיר אותו, לגרום לו להרגיש טוב אבל עם זאת להוביל אותו בדרכו לעזור לו שלא לסטות מנתיבו, להיות שם בכל נחשול שתוקף אותו, להיות שם בכל אתגר וצעד, להיות איתו שם בהתגשמות חלומותיו . עצמתי את עיני, שאפתי את כל האוויר שראותי יכלו להכיל ואז נשפתי באיטיות – נותנת לצער וליגון לשטוף את הסימנים הכחולים על ברכי וידי, כנדבך אחד שמורידים מעל השני – נוצר רושם שאני הייתי שקועה יותר מידי בעבר ככה שלא הצלחתי להביט קדימה . הגוף שלי כאב, אבל הנשמה שלי שרפה את כל אברי הפנימיים, איך יכולתי לתת לו ללכת? איך יכולתי לעזוב אותו ברגע של שפל ? דפנה ידעה את כל אשר אירע, היא הייתה שומרת סודי היחידה, לא יכולתי לתת לאחרים לגלות שנטלתי אחריות על דבר שהכביד על ליבם, שאותו הם ניסו לשכוח אבל לא הצליחו . " ליבי!", שמעתי קריאה מאחורי וראיתי אדם שמתקרב לקר

I want to dedicate this following poem to all the people we've lost, people we chrished and loved and still do - that gave us hope for better life. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Memories of the one's we've lost Memories of the one's we still cherish Standing like statues, our eyes are glazing As the tears are dropping I lose the grip of the ground Everything is spinning I know that you're watching over us I know that one single glance Into the recess of my heart One single glance, And you're there with me forever One single glance from Recalling the memories we have shared together, Your memories are the only thing that pushing me forward No one can take that away from me, This piece of you is mine forever.

"I will take my microphone out! I warn you sis", one of many warnings I get a day, and I can't even see movies or any kind of shows in my room because my sister constantly threatens me by singing really out loud. "See that's my microphone, it's red, once I turn on this stereo I'm going to put one of these old cassettes, and I will sing until my lungs bursts out, you won't be able to do nothing, ha!" I'm losing my mind; I don’t even know how to deal with her. I heard my mom yelling at me from the kitchen:"Rose, I won't wash your clothes anymore if you will continue treating so badly your own sister, do you get it missy"? I don’t get it, why do I get attacked from every possible direction from the very beginning. I was pronouncing my rights to my mother just the other day. 1. I need my own space. 2. I want to do my own thing when I feel like. 3. I'm a teenager I want my business to be private; I don’t want my sister snooping a

Sweet farewell, The shuddered posture, the cold air, Inhaling the smell, I'm standing on the top of the world I can't see the end of the path I was obliged on taking, The wind brushed my hair, making me blind What should I do? Go back to my roots, or run away to the place Where I won't be found at Walking on the rickety fence, Thoughts of death and life fill my clattery mind The realization won't flow from nowhere I need to stumble, Only if my will is strong enough, will I survive.

My eyes are closed. I see the dim light in my head, I want to reach it, to turn it off, and I can't wake up, not now. How can I live with the knowledge of the past itching in the back of my head? I can't stop questioning myself, where did I go wrong. The long pierced look on his face I try to erase from my memory. I'm falling apart; I feel my body soaring with every move I make. It's hard to make a move forward. "Rose!!" …someone shouted my name but I didn’t care. "Get down here right now missy". Now I was wondering what my mom want from me now, it's a hard thing to satisfy her, she is never happy with me. It seems like the amount of complaints she has towards me grow by day. I tried to jump out of my bed and BANG, that was a really bad idea, I knocked my head on the closet, the bruise probably is going to be really blue, but whatever, this is going to be another reason to make my mom roar at me. "Rose what were you thinking putting your dir

החום של הלחות אופף אותי. אני עושה את דרכי למקום לא ידוע.רק לפני שעות ספורות התחלתי את מסעי, ספרתי אינספור עצי אורן למרגלות הכבישים. רק שבוע שעבר חייתי חיים רגילים, אבל הכול השתנה, כמו שזה תמיד קורה.ברגע אחד נתון הייתי יכולה להיות בבית וברגע אחר כבר הייתי על הרגליים הולכת לעבר כיוון לא נודע. הכאב המצטבר בעקבות האכזבות המצטברות מוביל אותי למקום בו אני אצליח להתחיל הכול מחדש. "היי ליבי" שמעתי מרחוק,לא הייתי מרוכזת, לא הבנתי על מי מדובר,לקח לי דקה או שתיים להבין שהקול ששמעתי מרחוק בעצם היה מופנה אלי.הסתובבתי בזהירות, מולי עמדה ילדה גבוהה בעלת עיניי תכלת אפור הכי יפות שראיתי, שיער שחור כזפת הסתלסל לאורך גבה. לקח לי עוד רגע בשביל לזהות את האפיונים הללו, ואז הבנתי,הידע הפציע במוחי, באותה מהירות כמו שהוא נעלם – דפנה. סרקתי את מוחי, חיפשתי תשובות אבל לא הצלחתי למצוא,רציתי להבין מה היא עושה בכביש הנטוש. האם היא עוקבת אחרי? או שאני חולמת? לקחתי יוזמה והחלטתי להגיב לה. "דפנה מה את עושה כאן"?שאלתי בצורה התמימה ביותר. "ליבי, ליבי, מה את חושבת שאני אתן לך לנדוד כך ברחבי העיר

קשה לנשום. החזאי מודיע ברדיו על רמת לחות עולה וטמפרטורה נעימה של 30 מעלות צלזיוס, שמעתי את אמא רוטנת מאחורי:"איזה מין מזג אוויר זה".היא ראתה את מצבי הייתי על סף התקף. אני לא יכולה לעמוד בחום הזה,קשה לי לזוז, אף להניע אצבע אני מתקשה. "...המשק הישראלי מייצא פחות, המחיר העולמי התדרדר, המשק לא יודע איך לצאת מהמשבר.."הפסקתי להקשיב. תחת רגלי אני מרגישה את רצפת הפרקט הלוהטת - אני מהלכת במדבר החיות מסתתרות מעצם נוכחותי.. בעודי עומדת ליד החלון משקיפה על עוברי אורח זרים בקרבת הבית, דבר מסוים נתפס בזוית העין שלי - דן רוכב על האופניים שלו, עיתון בידו. שמעתי בעיטה קלה בדלת העץ המשובחת שאף לא נרתעה מעצם הנחיתה החזקה, ידעתי שהשעה כבר 7 בבוקר. צעדות הדהדו במוחי, בצליל של פעמונים, רציתי להפסיק אותם, אבל הם רק התחזקו, רעדתי קלות, הרגשתי מטלית רטובה שהונחה על המצח - ושוב צללתי לתהום של אי הידיעה.

The time froze. I was approaching to the moment where I had to face my darkest secrets, I had to face myself. Alex and I have been hanging out for a while now.  I was frustrated, I didn’t have the answers for his questions, I was lost, and yet could not live another day without seeing him. Suddenly I got it; it was right in front of me, the only answer I tried not to think of, as it was too rushed, I was sure that I couldn’t continue with my same routine life without hearing his voice as he gently whispers to my ears, his touch on my shoulders, it turned to be like oxygen to me. I decided to do something; I won't let it end like that. However, what can I do? I'm a senior and haven’t finished school, there's not much for me to do, I will never convince my parents that's obvious, they think that I'm crazy and that I'm going through this rebellious phase.My suitcases were ready, I saved up the money my grandmother used to give me for Christmas, I've plent

Trying to reach up for his hand, It's so far away, I don’t know if I can stand it, Not now, not for a long time, I can't find the way out of the place I'm standing It's dark and flawless at the same time The glittery stars above, I know I need to hold on, I know that I'm stronger than what I seem to be Could I live in the expense of the touch? Could I possibly see through the obstacles? I'm not that strong, the way I used to be, It's easy to give up now, Losing hope, I know I can't stand the ache of the loss The ache of knowing that what was there in front of me Was not the obstacle I needed to face but myself.

העולם עמד מלכת.לקחתי נשימה אחרונה וצללתי לתוך התהום של האי ידיעה לגבי מה שאני הולכת לעשות בעתיד. אם לחשוב על זה, מה כבר השגתי בחיים? אני לא מרגישה שום סיפוק אישי, אני יודעת שקיים בתוכי חור ששואב הכול לתוכו, ואין יותר שום דבר מוצק להיאחז בו. "היי ליבי" אני שומעת מרחוק, שוב הקול הזה, כל כך מוכר ועדיין מנוכר, אני מרגישה שאני חיה בעולם של צללים, ברגע שבו אני מנסה להושיט את ידי לעבר האופק אני שוב מאבדת את האחיזה, העמידה שלי מתרופפת, הרגליים שלי משקשקות ואני מאבדת את שיווי המשקל ומוצאת את עצמי שוב על האדמה. אני נוגעת בחול שמתחתי, אדום ורך, הרוח שנושבת ומזיזה את שערי מעיפה את כל מה שהיה בתוך כפות ידי הגדולות שמחפשות רמז, מענה, תשובה לריקנות, מחפש משהו שימלא אותו מבפנים, שיתן לו את הכוח להמשיך. "היי" קולי היה עמוק וצרוד, אני מרגישה כל מיתר בגרוני זז לשם יצירת הצליל הזה, אני נאחזת שוב בדבר שהוא לא קיים, האחיזה שלי מתרפית, ואותו אדם שעמד מולי תפס אותי בדיוק לפני ההתמוטטות שלי. זה היה רוב, ידידי הוותיק זה שנים, אני מוציאה חיוך חלוש מבעד לשפתי, אבל לא מצליחה להזיז את

Walking wistfully across the street, I cannot let go of the memories The unending view in front of me, The speeding cars, Once it was the place that I called my home, Once it was the place I knew was safe Tracking the rough steps poured in the pavement, There was time before, that the curiosity devolved my guts There are painful sightings that I could not forget Still there was not even a day that didn’t fill me with regret, The burden of the knowledge is still burning in my blood I know that solving the mystery was not the thing that I was after I sense my trembling body, and it occurred to me, I knew that the danger was still within reach There was a shame in my eyes, I knew why, but I couldn’t tell, The pain was unbearable to carry on, I had to let go, the danger I assumed, Was not the one I feared? It was a danger of me getting too close, To the place I once called home, but not anymore

What holds you back? I know I need to let go, The real reason I live in the past, The main reason that keeps me back There's a piece of me, I am afraid to lose, There's a piece of me that defined what I was, The fog surrounds me, I can't see my way out, it's too late, There's a piece of me that I have not lost, That piece that stops me from moving on, The main reason I keep searching for The rays of the sun, Is the glimpse of pain that makes me move, I'm scared of what might happen, The scattered pages of my life I sense that silence that surrounds me The peaceful view of what I could've achieved, The scattered dreams I forgot There's a piece of me that still recalls, There's a piece of me that still longs, For the happily ever after, For the day i'd have the guts To fulfill what was written In those scattered pages that once were my dreams.

Carried with the waves, Long and still, my breath is caught by the humming breeze, The hot sand underneath, the peaceful view, I'm looking for you to guide me through, It was long ago, when I took this journey, I'm still looking for the desired answers, For you to tell me what the future holds, Frantic, that's how they call me, The shimmering sparkle of your eyes, I'm looking forward to meeting your gaze, One more phase, I am not going to put it on hold I was waiting too long to make that step , The gentle waves are leading me to the depths of the sea, I'm not afraid to look at the eyes of the death, That's the path I ought to take, It was something I needed to do, I've to figure out for myself. The truth of life, The meaning behind my existence, Please don’t wake me, There's only one step from my own redemption.

I've lost the spark, the growing gap, I can't make up for what is lost, The draining touch of the ray of the sun, Makes it harder to keep going, Looking for a clue, there's no one who Can possibly know, There's no one that actually cares, It's you and what is around, You can't make any sound, I feel like I'm a stranger in my own skin The protective shell is gone. Picking up the pieces of my soul, It won't be the same. The knowledge remains solid The mask you've put, Is no longer there, Groaning in between, I've lost my own track, I don’t know what I'm, You can't claim, That everything is going to be alright, The real pain is out of others sight I've lost the spark; it won't be the same again, Clashing all the norms, There're too much storms for me to handle, The view of the crashing waves makes me realize, That what is real, is what you feel inside, Anything besides that you can leave aside

It's dim outside, I'm fighting with urge to close my eyes. Staying still in the same position, It seems like forever since the first dawn, I cannot wait longer, not now, I cannot hold the trigger, no more, One simple push and I am gone I can sense the threshold, It's not that far away, one single reach, One single reach and I'm going to be closer, Closer to you, The fright is going to fade, There's no such thing as fear, As far as I'm concerned it's you that I'm afraid to lose, And not the other way around, The mist is not fully gone, The will to pull what seemed so wrong, Is what you feared the most, but no more? There's a crack you must hold onto, It's you and I that must take the leap, Jump to the frozen water, It's not the fear that deceived us, But the unknown