candleburn

It has been a while that I've been cuddled hard by loneliness, Never have I never tried to look for an escape, Never have I wondered How to create An alternative dimension, It has been a while that, That I wished for the universe to give me another chance A  chance  of gaining my happiness again, I figured that all the stories I have told, All the stories that were swirling in my mind, All were my own assumptions, I've recreated the  situations, I've made my own alternative universe, A universe which led my life, You stroked my hair and told me, that everything is going to be alright, that you would be able to soothe my stress, that you would be able to take my pain away, I tried not to take your words for granted, But that's the very thing that I've done, I swirled more stories in my mind, I've had doubts, I've been frightened to my bones, Never realizing if it's ok, Ok to let my guards down, It's been  a while that,

With my travels, I figure out more about myself. I get irritated quickly, I judge quickly, I might keep expecting too much.  I wanted to find the sense of life, wanted to have a purpose for keep going. Yet again I feel purposeless and alone.  I feel alone even when I'm surrounded by people I know.  I feel so deadly alone that it sometimes suffocates me and sometimes breaks me apart. Seems like I do not know who I am, I do not have a sense of self. I walk along the street like a shadow or a passing wind.  I pass and walk into nothingness.  Routine once saved me. Now it is eating me alive.  I'm always angry, I'm angry because I'm always scared. I'm always sad. I can't handle my emotions.  Feels like I might explode.  My explosion is near and so far away.