candleburn

Let's face it — how can a person describe his/her quirky traits or behavior? The thing is that what I find quirky can seem completely normal to someone else, right? Or, my quirkiness might seem a bit strange, not in the most positive way. So what does even “quirky” mean? one of the many definitions is — “something that is strange/not normal but cool.” My list must be odd, that’s for sure, please note that there is no specific order: 1. Books / Wet grass /Perfumes/Detergents /Gasoline scents. It had all started when I was a young girl, That’s when I’d begun to get intoxicated with smells — of all kinds. The smell always had some kind of consoling connotation or a reference to an important person in my life. I remember liking the smell of cars’ gasoline, I could just smell it until it had made me feel nauseated. There’s no particular reason for it, maybe it was due to my father’s deep love for cars, and that’s how my mind connected the dots? My mind

It’s hard to make a decision when voices of people around you suggest countless additional ideas to contemplate about. There was a slight fear of being mocked for the idea of traveling to the same destination. You can’t help it but feel the pressure of others’ opinion on it: “Why would you go to the same place? there are so many other places to explore.” This question has been brought up to my attention, and it has made me feel quite doubtful. I knew I wanted to explore more places, but deep inside there was a lingering longing to go back to the place that I’ve once visited for a short while. Do I really want to go back? © Vera Tarlov The idea of the exploration of a far away destination in order to find yourself or your purpose is  a romanticized notion . Later on, you realize that exploring a new country would not bring you closer to your purpose. It can make you feel a bit calmer in a way, as I remember being in a state of a deep solace, I really felt alive.

You hold on to a memory when the void is difficult to bear, Like inside a vague dream, You see a motionless figure from afar a figure that slowly vanishes into thin air. © Vera Tarlov || Place: “Dreamy Camera Cafe” in South Korea, It might be nice to cling to memories. When do you know that the memory is real? and that it was not your mind’s creation? We all have that memory or even a few memories to cling to when we are in deep despair or when we’re just lonely. When I’m lonely I look for ways to fill that void, and if I can’t, it becomes unbearable. Memories can be associated with a person you loved and now you are no longer in touch with, dwelling on memories that this specific person had left with his departure. You start to wonder about — “what that person had left imprinted on your soul?” or “what kind of memory had you left?” Sometimes, our memories don’t align with the other person’s memories. It’s all an element of perspective. Perspectives might be tricky, as

nascent turbulence veiled twinge forthwith, it will commence prevailing over your yearning the pain stings and makes you numb adhering to the truth that with the budding hopes there are burgeoning woes adhering to the truth that with time nothing really changes your soul silently aiming at a distant point that you still are afraid to conquer forthwith, it will commence the inner battle inanity against vanity vanity as the initializer for imbalance versus inanity as a purer glance an insight of the inner hurdle © Vera Tatrov || Place: South Korea

"I've missed your calls for months it seems Don't realize how mean I can be 'Cause I can sometimes treat the people That I love like jewelry 'Cause I can change my mind each day I didn't mean to try you on But I still know your birthday And your mother's favorite song So I'm sorry to my unknown lover Sorry that I can't believe that anybody ever really Starts to fall in love with me Sorry to my unknown lover Sorry I could be so blind Didn't mean to leave you And all of the things that we had behind Oh Oh Oh I run away when things are good And never really understood The way you laid your eyes on me In ways that no one ever could And so it seems I broke your heart My ignorance has struck again I failed to see it from the start And tore you open 'til the end ...."

I remember how fear had a hard grip on my life. I like to think about it in the past tense as if I could get over that fear or as if had gotten over it already. Never actually ever managing to really stop feeling fear or being fearful. I recall traveling to London for the first time, Most people thought that I must have been thrilled or in awe, but all I could feel is fear. It was a distant feeling, but I still could feel its presence. On my third day in London, I was walking and appreciating the local street shops, and talking to my friends about most random subjects. The first time I felt real fear was when I have entered a candy shop. I was overly joyous. It was late, perhaps after 6 PM. The shop was located on one of the busiest streets near the Camden market and there were many other open shops around. The street was bustling with crowds that were intrigued by the local goods as presented on the shops’ window display. As I entered the shop, I made sure

"Thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood:  1. Get some identity capital . 2. Use your weak ties . 3. Pick your family .  Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do.  You're deciding your life right now ."

Lost inside my head. Utter confusion. It can seem that there's an entire day full of possibilities, but once you start to check off tasks from the daily mental checklist, it seems like you will never be able to get to the 2nd or 3rd item on the list, as the 1st item execution drains out your energy entirely. During work hours, I have managed to escape this beast that was tantalizing me on my days off. At work, it seemed like I was doing fine, I could focus on the daily tasks and finish most of them by the end of the day. Maybe in retrospect, I was not doing so well, I felt always so self-conscious and my clients managed to push me to my limits. I remember numerous occasions on which I raised my voice during conversations on the phone, which was not at all typical, and there were times I was crying the entire conversation and trying miserably to disguise it. Going forward, I was trying to analyze and understand what it is. I was scrolling through my Pinterest app, looking

Muster the courage Is what you told me “I wish I had the strength” My mouth murmured I wish I could get out From the darkness I am being weaved to I wish to erase my harried face from your memory just erase it all No matter how small Or big it seemed I want to start again The confused heartbeat silently beating to your harsh words Yes I have plunged into the depths of the sea afraid of divulging what I tried hard to never confide I wish I could get out From the hell that I gently sank into Your look pierced hard through my flesh but I’ve never moved forward I felt that yet another storm was impending to make my confused heartbeat beat harder to make me stray away I longed for a fresh start for my heartbeats to follow yours longed to erase my harried face longed to confide in you to find hope

I remember being a 16-year-old girl, I was in the tenth grade. I can still recall it was the beginning of summer. It was during July of 2007 when I saw my first Korean tv show. Growing up I was an avid tv watching teenager. Having watched numerous Argentian tv shows over the years, such as “Chiquititas” and “Rebelde way”. It was not foreign to me to watch shows in a different language, I get accustomed to it and liked it. I think it was a friend that recommended me to watch “Coffee Prince”. It was starring Gong Yoo and Yoon Eun-Hye. Being a girl I fell for Gong Yoo charms a big time. The storyline was a typical rom-com, a girl falls for a guy and of course, there are a few subplots in between to make it intriguing: Yoon Eun Hye’s character was dressed as a boy in order to get the job of a barista at a local coffee shop that hires males only. While working at the coffee shop she falls for her strict boss — Gong Yoo’s character. The show ended, and I didn’t have any i

Rummaging through my soul Remembering the misconstrued words You have always sounded ingenious Wording your observations  after a long consideration It was my fault  my mind grasped them as messages of reassurance I become hopeful again Never considering to look sideways  Where your heart was beating along to someone else's The truth Followed by a despair Something broke inside beyond any repair I tried to look for a reason it tore me apart Once It felt like  my heart was moved by you albeit, it might have been a very short voyage The truth cropped up on me jolted me forward It didn't scare me Nor did it make me intrigued It was me that averted my eyes from the truth You were never mine, to begin with

This is it, the end of an era. I've said my goodbye to my co-worker Judith who brought me a few homemade Alfajores, just the other day. And I’m the one that is leaving. Judith has been like a grandmother to me, she always was comforting and giving advice, I felt that my heart opened to her more and more. “Kindness and a caring mind are two separate qualities. Kindness is manners. It is a superficial custom, an acquired practice. Not so the mind. The mind is deeper, stronger, and, I believe, it is far more inconstant.” ― Haruki Murakami, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World I’ve always liked Murakami's way of thinking and portrayal of thoughts. It's true, people are kind, not because they are kind, but because they were raised to be like that, they were raised to be kind to others and respect them, Even though as Murakami states it, it is kind of a superficial custom, it still gives me comfort. Now, I can be all philosophic and say that people are kind

It has been a while that I've been cuddled hard by loneliness, Never have I never tried to look for an escape, Never have I wondered How to create An alternative dimension, It has been a while that, That I wished for the universe to give me another chance A  chance  of gaining my happiness again, I figured that all the stories I have told, All the stories that were swirling in my mind, All were my own assumptions, I've recreated the  situations, I've made my own alternative universe, A universe which led my life, You stroked my hair and told me, that everything is going to be alright, that you would be able to soothe my stress, that you would be able to take my pain away, I tried not to take your words for granted, But that's the very thing that I've done, I swirled more stories in my mind, I've had doubts, I've been frightened to my bones, Never realizing if it's ok, Ok to let my guards down, It's been  a while that,