candleburn

When I look around me, what do you think I see? I see how other people live their lives, and I think there's something really wrong with the way I'm living mine. Today, after another long day at work I was taking the bus to get home. On the bus I saw few young girls talking about their purchase at a cheap beauty store. Then, when I got off the bus I saw a young family walking their little baby, they were talking cheerfully about some random topic. Then it hit me, these people look so content with themselves they feel like a whole unit when you look from the side. So why am I feeling so broken inside? Even though I know all the people at work, I don't think I've connected to any one. I'm not keeping in touch with any one after the work is over and it makes me sad and happy. Today Jessie and I were chatting via email. I like it very much when she talks about her days – because they're so full of life, she's always doing something, she's

Why did you say that you'd be there? Why did you step in and then disappeared? You told me that I have a choice to make, You told you'd guide me through, I blindly followed you into the dark, Now I'm left out on the bare cold ground, Please pull me up from drowning in this muddy mound, You told me that I have a choice to make, So I ran to look for my own truth, I knew I had to make myself from scrap, I blindly believed you'd guide me through, I was collecting your promises, Without any cautions, Not knowing these are future thorns for me to bleed from, Why would you make false promises? Without any cautions i sank in, Why did you step in and then disappear? I was left behind still looking for my safety net. I guess you've made your shot, You saw me looking for thorns, not for real hopes. You appeared and then disappeared just in time to see me hurt You had my system shut, Are you happy now? I'm pulling myself

Jessie and I were walking down the street talking about our past week events. I told Jessie how tough it is to find your destiny. I still don't know what I'm good at or what I want to be. Yeah, I wished to be a song writer. However, I don't think I'm able to fulfill this dream just yet. I was feeling that I had to start doing my BA degree in something, or else I'd go insane. I needed to feed my brain with new information. Once I started my degree in MIS studies I found myself being in shock and facing social banishment as it was high school all over again. I had moments of thoughts repeating themselves thinking about quitting. Recently I was talking with my dad saying him "Sometimes a grown up must do things that they don't want or don't like to only because they have to". My father told me "no one is forcing you to study" – I was wondering to myself "has he noticed how unhappy I was?" Over the past 3 years my m

Closing my eyes, I see the sun set, Your touch so silky and soothing, I was there smitten by your shimmering brocade, Your voice travelling for distances ahead, I hear you guitar strings playing, My heart is fizzling to the sound of your murmuring along voice Please stop making me die inside I still can't make up my mind The more you're playing the bigger is the cascade, Yes I know, there is no other choice, I was slipping and falling hard, Please stop making me die inside I still can't make up my mind There you are, smiling in your fancy brocade, At the distance your smiling figure is my falling star, My wish to come true, Please keep murmuring these sweet melodies, The sun will rise again, I'll wake up from my longing, You'll drift away I'll await your re appearance the next day Closing my eyes, waiting eagerly for the sun to set

When I looked at my phone screen it just showed a mere "hi" word. Why have I been going this insane? I was looking for something to linger on. My friend told me the following sentence "Dylan you need to chill a bit, you can't force love, it comes and it goes, when it's the right time you'll know". How could I possibly know? I thought I'm going to be put in a lunatic house by then. I was walking home; it was already far past 8 pm. Why would i work till this late hour? I keep asking myself that question. My answer is that I want to exhaust myself to death and come home only for the sleeping part. Why would I do that? It's because I don’t have courage to face the real world, and I don't want to take days off in order to be with myself, stuck in my room with these 4 walls I hate. I wanted to talk to my girl friend Jessie about this guy I became friends with. The big part of me that is lingering for writing is due to boy's t

Thoughts are cluttering my mind. Have I ever thought of myself falling in love again? It was so long ago, that dear feeling of carelessly loving. Carelessly feeling that electric buzz that made my heart beat at the speed of light. Oh, I miss being 17 or was it 16? That was a phase I deeply cherish. I don't want to feel that feeling ever again. As wonderful it might have been and as empowering, I've never felt more alone in my entire life. The dreadful feeling that I love someone that doesn't love me back. I know what it is like when the love is one sided. Do you think it's easy? So I made this unbreakable rule to never ever fall in love again. At my work, this undistinguished office work that I still don't get – there's this guy, he's handsome. He's not smartest one. Yes I adore smart human beings. I've never ever thought I'd like him. He's not my type. Who will I follow fall? I really don’t know. However, why is that

Walking past a smiling face, Was it honest? Was it really there? Now, what do you see? Do you see your reflection? Or is it a mere memory of a long faded recollection? That look, I know it from before, Where did it take place?  I can't remember When did it happen? I couldn't know Might it be a mere minds show? There was a time when that face was my friend, Oh, where did you go? Does it go by just like that? It's true what they say, what comes around, Goes around Have I really lost my own reflection? Or was it a mere recollection? Mere minds play? Walking past a smiling face, A sweet recollection of the past is coming from the forgotten phase, Was it really there? Was it a mere memory of a long faded recollection? Now, what do you see? I see my youth disappear, Like it was only my minds game, Was it even really there? Could you even tell? There was a time that this smiling face was my protecting shell

As you've already figured that out, my name is Dylan and I'm a 23-year-old gal.  I'm still living with my folks at their house. It's so frustrating to be stuck with them.  I change my jobs on the daily basis, can't stick to a single one. All my pals from childhood had disappeared like they had never been there.  I'm an aspiring song writer gal, I've written for years.  I remember being 10 years old, While I was sitting at the back of my daddy's Korean Hyundai I was reading a not existing (these days) youth newspaper with a huge article regarding Britney Spears. I remember asking my dad: "Daddy do you think that songwriters earn a lot of money? Do you think it's hard to sell a song to a big pop singer?"  I'm not quite sure what my dad had answered me at that time, but I was sure it's my destiny.  Years passed by and I've totally forgotten about that this old and sad dream of mine. I keep going on mumbling that I don'

After a while that i had not managed to write a thing, for more than a year, thanks to my enthusiastic supporter. See below my new piece: My mind is becoming more and more flustered Views of the skidding skies above my head I hop on and on and dodge the next opportunity You've put trust in me, Through the hurricanes you went through You had your head down for so long For a just a blink of an eye you were secure It's time for you to kick back and scream I made you humble and confident You made me laugh and sneak at night You were my only comfort and I was your trust You hugged me with endless possibilities attached Swirling my head around, you didn't know it'd end just like that Thats when it had started, that fading trust It had all just ended the minute it had began Through hurricanes you went and I was there at the peak Through hurricanes I went and there you were You were my skylight, my comfort Just like that it's gone

I never had that many friends growing up So I learned to be Ok with Just me, just me, just me, just me And I'll be fine on the outside I like to eat in school by myself Anyway So I'll just stay Right here, right here, right here, right here And I'll be fine on the outside So I just sit in my room after hours with the moon And think of who knows my name Would you cry if I died Would you remember my face? So I left home, I packed up and l moved Far away From my past one day And I laugh, I laugh, I laugh, I laugh And I sound fine on the outside Ha ha ha… Sometimes I feel lost, sometimes I'm confused Sometimes I find That I am not alright And I cry, and I cry, and I cry…. Ha ha ha… So I just sit in my room after hours with the moon And think of who knows my name Would you cry if I died Would you remember my face?

Quote #1  "The things you most want to avoid are the things that make you feel the greatest when you actually do them". Quote #2 "A crown, golden in show, is but a wreath of thorns" ( John Milton ) "This is what we rebel against, the idea of worth based on nothing more than appearance . This is the superficial kind of symbol that we actively work against "

My name is Dylan Richter. My whole life I've hated my name. My folks were huge fans of Bob Dylan and also liked the ocean very much – so it was the most suitable name for their first newborn. While growing up, people always treated me as a cute boy when I was a girl. I could never understand parents who choose extraordinary names for their kids. Why do they decide to torment their kids like that? What's wrong with mainstream names? While growing up, I've noticed the evil actions of people who surround me. By evil I mean that tormenting questions people tend to ask – what are you going to do with your life? What will you do for a living? After high school I lost my path. My father kept reminding me that his co workers adored me and saw a bright future ahead of me – how can't a clever girl conquer it all? But the painful part is that they've actually misunderstood me. The same way I always have misunderstood my parents – grownups had really misunderstood me. The no

How did I feel ? I was feeling discouraged. This dreadful feeling led my day until the night. As the dusk was slowly reaching my window – I felt the instant breeze and smiled. I was laying in my bad and it was only 7 PM, but there was nothing much I wanted to do. There are thoughts that are messed up in my mind. You think that as time passes by, that you'll progress as a person, as a human being – that you'll become stronger, independent, and braver. I stand up and reach my Smart phone, rustically like pressing on the Face book App. Looking what are other people doing with their lives Don't judge others by your own life experience. You're not old enough; you've not even witnessed life to the fullest, so how could you ever dare to teach me about life?   That's what my mother tells me every day. Only now, has it sunk in – I'm so foolishly arrogant . I was always amazed by other people will to live, to evolve and progress. It might

“To say a person is a happy person or an unhappy person is ridiculous. We are a thousand different kinds of people every hour.”  — Anthony Doerr, Memory Wall

ובכן, אני התחלתי לקרוא לאחרונה את הספר "אלגנטיות של קיפוד" - מיותר לציין ש- "לאחרונה" בלקסיקון שלי יכול להצביע על קנה מידה של חצי שנה. אני רוצה להגיד שהיו רבדי הזדהות עם דבריהן של 2 הדמויות הנשיות המרכזיות - עד כדי כך שנדהמתי ממש. פשוט, היו כמה מחשבות על התודעה, על השפעת המוזיקה על התודעה וכדומה, שהיו ממש זהות למחשבותיי שלי, שרבים ממכרי יחשבו לטיפשיים וזניחים. אני רוצה לציין כמה ציטוטים שתפסו את עיני: "ההתבוננות בנצח שבתוך תנועת החיים עצמם" "יכולתנו לרמות את עצמנו  כדי לא לערער בשום אופן את תשתית האמונות שלנו, שהיא תופעה מרתקת" "כל המשפחות המאושרות דומות זו לזו, כל משפחה אומללה - אומללה בדרכה שלה" - משפט הלקוח מאנה קארנינה. "אני מתחננת לפני הגורל שייתן לי הזדמנות לראות מעבר לעצמי ולפגוש מישהו"

I want to share Tablo's recent Radio dream broadcast. Tablo surely speaks a lot about "Epik High"..too bad i can't understand a bit from it :( 20140605 Tablo's Dream Radio by Harusfamily on Mixcloud

On Thursday the 15th of may i happened to visit Microsoft company.  The company organized a special event for female students that major in some kind technology related degree. I'm learning MIS = management information systems. Lets say that i really suck at programming and i don't really get programming languages. You can say that I'm silly, how can i major in this degree if i hate computers? Well, i love gadgets and i love new technologies- and the most important is that someday  I'd like to receive a paycheck that will allow me to live by myself and not starve to death. My first year so far was tough and interesting. I don't know if i will ever work in this field. However, i was desperate to start learning - as i was feeling like all my brain cells turned gray. At this event we the female students were fortunate to meet the managing director of Microsoft in the US -  Jennifer Chayes. She's one of the most fabulous ladies I've ever met. I

Yet again. A time came to celebrate my birthday. However, I won't celebrate, i'll neatly lay my head on the pillow and listen to some jams, while i'm smelling the fresh flowers in my room. I wish you all and myself  serenity , peace of mind and that joy of enjoying what you do have in life.

Today is my friend's birthday. This song dedictated to you girl :)

Stick Up by Max We Used to be Friends by The Dandy Warhols

I was a big fan of the tv show back in the day - and i was bummed by its sudden ending. I remember there was a preview of a possible episode that could be in the 4th season.  How did they end it so sudden? it was sad. What was sad to me that time was the ending, and that Veronica didn't end up with Logan. This movie has just connected all the dots for me and made the tv show a sweet farewell reminder. I really loved it. Kristen Bell is just an amazing actress. There are still wishfull thoughs in mind -  that they will make some spin off series with Kristen Bell back to play Veronica as the PI :)