candleburn

Recently, i was thinking about the perspectives we have about life. I mean a life perspective is important when we judge  situations in life that are quite harsh. It's important to have not only an objective perspective but also an optimistic one. Sometimes, when we feel bad or think that someone is at fault, maybe the real situation was that no one's was really at fault, but we wanted to assign this clinging feeling of disappointment or stress or hurt feeling to someone real, someone that was close to us the moment we felt that strong feeling. It's easier to attach the "bad" feeling to someone close to us, rather than going on with that bad mood clinging to us, and never knowing or realizing what's wrong. There might be a situation that would make someone to raise an eyebrow and make them think that someone is using me for their benefit, but it's easier to think the bad things, like "oh yeah, he needs her so he's using her and she has no clue

Sometimes I feel like I'm living inside a science fiction film. While I'm sleeping, my world viewed as an action packed mission impossible movie. I feel like an energizer battery, all fueled up, till I wake up. Once I'm awake I feel kind of disappointment. Why the heck can't I be or behave the way I see myself? I mean, why do I need to do ridiculous changes, like changing my hair color to a rainbow ombre? I feel like a Korean rapper wannabe. For the past few days it had been easier for me to fall asleep, as I was eager to enter the life I wish I really was living.  I always told and was told that you live the life you chose, but did I really choose? Or am I going on blind folded? Am I still too afraid to make a real choice? I mean, not choosing is also some kind of choice I made, maybe a stupid one, but still a choice. I always thought living recklessly won't do me any good, but that's what I've been really doing.

Oh my god, how crazy is the music industry. I remember Esmee from back then, i think it was around 2008 when i first saw her videos on her YouTube page. Then, out of a sudden she was discovered by Justin Timberlake, and i was like thinking that she's going to have the same storyline career-wise just like Justin Bieber, who knew that she'd disappear few years later and reappear on the UK's "The Voice" show. I guess nothing in life is stable and you always have to continue your fight in order to achieve your dream. However, i must say that i was surprised to see how humble she appeared to be,  i really hope she manages to release her EP soon :D

Voices inside my head I'm being hunted by my minds demons, sitting alone on the wooden flooring, shivering, The wind goes through my see through night gown. My mouth is humming to the sound of the curtains quite movement; I notice the small light coming from my neighbor's far away window, I wonder what are they doing up. How do I make my mind to shut up? I can't stop the never ending voices traffic inside my head, How well do I need to hide? Standing up was not an option, as I collapse the second I make a single try, how do I stop that humming that keeps its flow?

It feels like for a while,  I have not been myself, It feels like that all i have been doing is killing time, And that time everyone was sure that i was fine, I found myself being blunt, Feeling happy every now and then, Looking right ahead to pull another stunt, Was it really me? was i on a hunt? It feels like i was going in circles, There are no stops ahead, I'm going on and making a show, I'm smiling because you think it's real, While I'm going ahead after another hunt, Would i be able to pull another stunt? With time i feel my heart getting more blunt, and my soul getting ripped apart from inside, How well do you think you know? You think you know that I'm playing just a game, A game of lies in which we both gonna win, However, I've never really meant for you to win, I've pulled another stunt, what a shame, I've never intended to play a fair game, I was on a hunt and the ultimate prize, Was never ever there for me to reach. 

Sometimes people tend to judge you by your cover, and not by what is really inside. So you tend to think it's useless to prove your being. Once I heard the following saying:"There are two kinds of people in the whole wide world. The first one is the observer, and the second one it the one being observed". For a long time, I've been that observer, looking at people, at what they wear and at how they behave, I was fascinated. However, sometimes I also want to be the one being observed. When you're the observer you tend to face a lot of solitude. I feel like I'm not living my life, I'm just watching from the side, so it can become quite frustrating. When i watch a tv show with a couple cycling in the park, having a picnic by the river. I feel like these situations may occur in a parallel life to my own. I'm doing my best to enjoy the little things we encounter every day. I prefer taking the bus route with view of the sea,even though it takes a l