PARADOX - chapter [1.1.3]

Jessie and I were walking down the street talking about our past week events. I told Jessie how tough it is to find your destiny.

I still don't know what I'm good at or what I want to be. Yeah, I wished to be a song writer.

However, I don't think I'm able to fulfill this dream just yet.

I was feeling that I had to start doing my BA degree in something, or else I'd go insane.

I needed to feed my brain with new information.

Once I started my degree in MIS studies I found myself being in shock and facing social banishment as it was high school all over again.

I had moments of thoughts repeating themselves thinking about quitting.

Recently I was talking with my dad saying him "Sometimes a grown up must do things that they don't want or don't like to only because they have to". My father told me "no one is forcing you to study" – I was wondering to myself "has he noticed how unhappy I was?"

Over the past 3 years my mom was pushing me to go and study something.

My mother is the best for making comparisons of me with her friend's children.

She will go like "Anne's son who's younger studying engineering, and Helen's daughter is going to study biology", I went crazy each time she was talking to me like I was lacking something.

Even my father who tells me that no one pressures me to study was mentioning his friend's daughter who was taking the SAT 3 times in order to get into MED school.

Was I living in a parallel world until now?

The only thing that I know is that the whole world around me was pointing fingers at me saying – when are you going to study?

So, even in my Korean dramas they say that you're no one without a degree.

OK, so how can I relax and go on when I'm taking a semester off in order to work at this lousy company, I still don't know.

Jessie kept saying that even though it's hard we must remember the reason we started our path.

I told her that if I'm to recall the reason I'd quit it as it never had happened.

She laughed and looked at me with her glance that she keeps for only important people and said that "through the difficulties that you face. You grow as a person ".

 I was thinking to myself that Jessie doesn't need to watch Korean dramas because she knows all their lessons by heart even without watching TV shows at all.