PARADOX - chapter [1.1.4]

When I look around me, what do you think I see?

I see how other people live their lives, and I think there's something really wrong with the way I'm living mine.

Today, after another long day at work I was taking the bus to get home.

On the bus I saw few young girls talking about their purchase at a cheap beauty store.

Then, when I got off the bus I saw a young family walking their little baby, they were talking cheerfully about some random topic.

Then it hit me, these people look so content with themselves they feel like a whole unit when you look from the side. So why am I feeling so broken inside?

Even though I know all the people at work, I don't think I've connected to any one.

I'm not keeping in touch with any one after the work is over and it makes me sad and happy.

Today Jessie and I were chatting via email.

I like it very much when she talks about her days – because they're so full of life, she's always doing something, she's always some place searching for an adventure whereas I still keeping myself stuck in the same position.

How can you make someone to be unstuck? Is it even possible at all?

That's a question I was bringing to my attention while I went to a meeting with one of the supervisors that works with my boss directly.

This supervisor is a woman, but I have a feeling that her co workers don't tend to showcase her all that's going on during work and what are the real problems each team is facing.

It feels like on the one hand the supervisor is willing to help to make our work improve, but on the other hands our department workers prefer to show the bad with the good.

By that I mean to show the bad but not disclose the worst parts of our wrong doings and the real cause to them. I wonder how long it will take her to keep up and realize that she's not really involved and that there are some big undergoing problems that keep happening under her radar. The real question is whether she would really care once she really finds out.