So called Life
the missing chapters - 6+7
Have you ever fallen in love? Do you know how it feels like?
These questions have been on my mind like forever for the last few weeks.
I don’t know how it feels like, but I do know that there's an upcoming huge history test and I've not studied at all.
However I still wonder how it's like to be in love.I know that love is when your hormones get messed up and stuff, that what we learnt in our last biology lesson.
There's a guy that is driving me crazy it's like one day he seems so sweet and nice and the other day he's so far away, I am so tired from these games of his, but it still looks like I do care about him. I am not able to not look at him as he passes by, it's something that I can't control.There's a new guy I met, that gives me all the attention I need, he's fun and is the total opposite, so why cannot I avoid the other one?It was so hard for the past few months to forget, but I just can't avoid this so innocent look on his face, it just melts my heart.There's no one that I can talk about it, Lisa and Rachel are so distant nowadays, oh and Amy has problems of her own, I don’t want to load some more on her shoulders.What I can tell for sure, that the new guy gives me the desired attention, but do I really care for him as much as I care for the other one?
These questions have been on my mind like forever for the last few weeks.
I don’t know how it feels like, but I do know that there's an upcoming huge history test and I've not studied at all.
However I still wonder how it's like to be in love.I know that love is when your hormones get messed up and stuff, that what we learnt in our last biology lesson.
There's a guy that is driving me crazy it's like one day he seems so sweet and nice and the other day he's so far away, I am so tired from these games of his, but it still looks like I do care about him. I am not able to not look at him as he passes by, it's something that I can't control.There's a new guy I met, that gives me all the attention I need, he's fun and is the total opposite, so why cannot I avoid the other one?It was so hard for the past few months to forget, but I just can't avoid this so innocent look on his face, it just melts my heart.There's no one that I can talk about it, Lisa and Rachel are so distant nowadays, oh and Amy has problems of her own, I don’t want to load some more on her shoulders.What I can tell for sure, that the new guy gives me the desired attention, but do I really care for him as much as I care for the other one?
What I learnt from what I wrote above, is that life is better without love, or someone that you really care for that much that he doesn’t even bother to look at you or to say hello even though we have known each other for years.
Sunday 11.11.06
When I got back from school I saw my mom's face frowning as she was looking towards me, and I didn’t know what I did wrong this time.She said to me with her angry voice that apparently my room was a big mess, and she almost tripped while she was looking for somewhat I didn't really understand.So let's say my whole day was messed up.
at first I started cleaning and then I found out that I had a huge upcoming test in biology, I was freaked out because I didn’t know the material. However, out of the blue a piece of very worthy information came upon my mind, that new guy I met is excellent in biology so maybe he could help me to study, so when I rushed from my room with that idea still in mind, I hadn't figured out how late it become, so my mom didn’t allow me to go to his place, but I was planning on sneaking out anyway, it's not like she'd find it out.
Before I left I had aimed him by saying I need some help I'll sneak to his house silently from his kitchen door, I really hoped he saw the message.When I got to his house I saw that his room was dark, and suddenly I got the chills and goose bumps all over my body, and only then I realized it was really cold. I decided to throw a stone on his window, but to my surprise he was leaning there on the wall in the shadow so that I can't see him, waiting to see how I will react. Poor guy I almost punched him out of my growing anger, but I resisted in the very last minute, and as he was looking at my amusing posture he suddenly started giggling, and I said "shahs" you don’t want your parents to know that I'm here, don’t you?And then he said something that surprised me "We're not doing something forbidden, are we"?And I replied "no it's not like we going to eat a forbidden fruit and to be doomed forever, it's just If you scream out lout I'd be forbidden to see you for the rest of the month, so it's your choice, it's a risk that you've to take, don’t you? : P", and then he laughed again.
at first I started cleaning and then I found out that I had a huge upcoming test in biology, I was freaked out because I didn’t know the material. However, out of the blue a piece of very worthy information came upon my mind, that new guy I met is excellent in biology so maybe he could help me to study, so when I rushed from my room with that idea still in mind, I hadn't figured out how late it become, so my mom didn’t allow me to go to his place, but I was planning on sneaking out anyway, it's not like she'd find it out.
Before I left I had aimed him by saying I need some help I'll sneak to his house silently from his kitchen door, I really hoped he saw the message.When I got to his house I saw that his room was dark, and suddenly I got the chills and goose bumps all over my body, and only then I realized it was really cold. I decided to throw a stone on his window, but to my surprise he was leaning there on the wall in the shadow so that I can't see him, waiting to see how I will react. Poor guy I almost punched him out of my growing anger, but I resisted in the very last minute, and as he was looking at my amusing posture he suddenly started giggling, and I said "shahs" you don’t want your parents to know that I'm here, don’t you?And then he said something that surprised me "We're not doing something forbidden, are we"?And I replied "no it's not like we going to eat a forbidden fruit and to be doomed forever, it's just If you scream out lout I'd be forbidden to see you for the rest of the month, so it's your choice, it's a risk that you've to take, don’t you? : P", and then he laughed again.
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Frankly, I have never believed that stuff about following your heart, because it never lead me to any place, I was just stuck in a vortex of storms which I had inside and I couldn't never deal with it and find the right solution.There are a lot of people I ran into in the past who thought that they're more superior than you're, and it just drives me mad, because there is not someone who can tell that he's better, everyone has his cons and pros. It was hard for me to grow this thick skin that protected me from people like that.
Few days ago that boy I told you about and I spent almost the whole day together, and I must say it was great, it was great to finally meet someone who talks with you and interested in you, rather than the ones who want you talk so they can shut up without telling you anything and even when they do tell something, they say it like they're doing you some kind of favor, I cannot stand people like that, no more.
So this guy and I talked about stuff that happened in our lives in the past, some of them was strange because we talked a lot about our strange teachers, and of course about video games and movies, it's just fun to meet someone who likes to be still a kid and doesn’t really want to grow up, just like me.
I was taking pictures of carol, a lot, ha-ha. When we were at this cool marketplace, there were a lot of neat stuff and my sis wanted some box, and even though the price was the same as on the small and as on the big one, she preferred the miniature jewelry box XD, go figure.
My sis and I got into to this huge and unbelievably amazing Church, with a lot of candles hanging off the walls, and the place was just gorgeous, it had such a special atmosphere.
That guy I'd name him Alex for the matters of fact didn’t really want to go inside but we made him finally, and he liked being there as much as we did: We were hanging out there for like a half of an hour there, then we went outside, and wow the sun was shining so bright that the moment I had walked outside I practically got blind.Once I didn’t believe in fate, but now I do, because if I met this guy, even though I thought it never would happen, because I saw him almost every day last year and only now I've gotten the chance to meet him, and to get to know him, and that's is by total accident. What are the odds for that?
Few days ago that boy I told you about and I spent almost the whole day together, and I must say it was great, it was great to finally meet someone who talks with you and interested in you, rather than the ones who want you talk so they can shut up without telling you anything and even when they do tell something, they say it like they're doing you some kind of favor, I cannot stand people like that, no more.
So this guy and I talked about stuff that happened in our lives in the past, some of them was strange because we talked a lot about our strange teachers, and of course about video games and movies, it's just fun to meet someone who likes to be still a kid and doesn’t really want to grow up, just like me.
I was taking pictures of carol, a lot, ha-ha. When we were at this cool marketplace, there were a lot of neat stuff and my sis wanted some box, and even though the price was the same as on the small and as on the big one, she preferred the miniature jewelry box XD, go figure.
My sis and I got into to this huge and unbelievably amazing Church, with a lot of candles hanging off the walls, and the place was just gorgeous, it had such a special atmosphere.
That guy I'd name him Alex for the matters of fact didn’t really want to go inside but we made him finally, and he liked being there as much as we did: We were hanging out there for like a half of an hour there, then we went outside, and wow the sun was shining so bright that the moment I had walked outside I practically got blind.Once I didn’t believe in fate, but now I do, because if I met this guy, even though I thought it never would happen, because I saw him almost every day last year and only now I've gotten the chance to meet him, and to get to know him, and that's is by total accident. What are the odds for that?
A look back into the recent Past 5.10.06
The day of my birthday it was a special day for me even though the fact that I was not intending on celebrating it, but he showed up and told me that there is no way that I'm going to stay indoors.Then he asked me if there's a special place I would like to go to, and of course there was, he even knew what I was going to tell him, so he put this huge smile on his face. Luckily, he got his driving license a month ago so he could borrow his parents car and to take me to that special place. As we drove out of his garage I showed him the way and he without saying anything drove silently across the street, as we were driving I've got a strong feeling that it's my turn to break the silence that was in-between us."I'm really grateful, really I am, no one has ever done such a pleasant gesture for me, thank you" , he looked at me but he seemed quite sad to me and then he said "I want to be your best buddy, and buddies don’t let their buddies down on such special day", wow I was stunned by the way he said this sentence and as his teeth were so tightened while he was reconsidering every word he said carefully.We got to my special place, the 'Triangle' lake, which I adored; it was placed nearby the city in a very peaceful and quiet place, a place where I could clear my mind.
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