PARADOX - chapter 1.1.6

Sometimes I feel like I'm living inside a science fiction film. While I'm sleeping, my world viewed as an action packed mission impossible movie. I feel like an energizer battery, all fueled up, till I wake up.

Once I'm awake I feel kind of disappointment. Why the heck can't I be or behave the way I see myself? I mean, why do I need to do ridiculous changes, like changing my hair color to a rainbow ombre? I feel like a Korean rapper wannabe.

For the past few days it had been easier for me to fall asleep, as I was eager to enter the life I wish I really was living.

 I always told and was told that you live the life you chose, but did I really choose? Or am I going on blind folded? Am I still too afraid to make a real choice?

I mean, not choosing is also some kind of choice I made, maybe a stupid one, but still a choice. I always thought living recklessly won't do me any good, but that's what I've been really doing.